Alright, tapeworms: here's my week-overdue concert report from the Powerman 5000 concert. (Pictures are inserted all around the article, just click words that appear to be links)

Scout Bar in Houston is not the first venue I've been to, but it was my first time there, and let me tell you: it's the place to be. That's what a guy I'm calling Stoney McHemp told me before we got in. This guy was pretty insane. After talking about his days of "opening for Powerman" in his band, we sat there in an awkward silence, followed by "...Wanna go around the corner and burn some hay?" I politely declined. I'll smoke weed with people who don't scare me, k? If you show up early like Stephanie (friend, room-mate, camera-monkey) and I did, you're guaranteed the front row awesomeness that Fastu (still Steph, now we're in nickname mode) and I witnessed. No guard-rail between you and the stage (at least at this particular show). Fastu and I were literally leaning on center-stage the whole show (we were so close, Evan 9 from PM5K stepped on my pinky during their performance).

Small story real quick. The band Hinder will be playing Scout Bar on the 25th. Hinder sucks. Only girls like Hinder. Luckily, I happened to have a girl with me. Whilst Fastu and I were arguing about whether or not Hinder did indeed suck monkey-shit, a couple of guys next to us chimed in and agreed: only girls like Hinder. These guys were cool and we shot the shit with them for a few minutes, no big deal. Stoney McHemp approaches us. Apparently his wife locked the keys in the car and he needed a ride somewhere to get the spare. We told him we couldn't (you wouldn't do it either, don't judge me) and he got pretty pissed and walked straight into the green room. Yeah, where the bands chill before the show. He just waltzed right in there... then security waltzed him right the fuck back out. This guy was out of his fucking mind.

Showtime, opening act begins to take the stage and the two guys who were beside us at front row are now absent. Didn't even notice until one of them sat behind the drum-kit on stage and the other took the microphone. They were the drummer and lead singer for the opening act Faulter 42. Not a band that I'd heard of til that night, but still, it was cool that they were just chillin' with us moments before-hand and now they're up on stage. For the sake of keeping it short, Faulter 42 fucking rocked. They were great guys, fun to listen to and had great energy on-stage.

Next up was The Hectic, another no-name to me (the same applies to you, Chrome 44, I didn't know any of the opening bands, ok? Deal with it). The first thing we noticed was the absolutely gargantuan drumkit the band had. Huge! On such a small stage.... The second thing we notcied was they all kinda looked like douchebags (hold that thought). They had over-the-top white make-up, big banners with their name on an already crowded stage, they just seemed a bit douchey. The third thing we noticed was that Stoney McHemp was obnoxiously shouting Powerman lyrics while they were setting up.Then, the lights went out, the blacklights came on and the make-up, the neon green signs, everything just sucked you into a horror show. Amidst the darkness, the lead singer came on-stage with a bullhorn siren wailing, the mood was getting tense. Then, in the blink of an eye... they melted our fucking faces off. The Hectic was hands-down the most enjoyable of the opening acts. All my previous misconceptions of doucheyness washed away by their heavy licks and screaming vocals. They were the heaviest, coolest act of the night (except of course Powerman). I've already gone on too long about The Hectic so I'll make one last comment. At one point during their set, the singer leaned down reallllly close to me, took The Hat (you know the one) right off my head and wore it on-stage, saluted the crowd, then returned it to its rightful owner.

Alright, Chrome 44 time. While the band was setting up, I think Stoney McHemp lost all touch with reality. He walked up to the side of the stage and started shouting more Powerman lyrics at these guys. What the fuck is his deal? Does he think that's Powerman taking the stage now? Is he trying to flatter them? Is he simultaneously baked out of his fucking mind and totally shit-faced? Does he know where he is? Anyway, Chrome 44. ...They were good. Blunt, yeah, but really, they were good. I think they're a bit more known than the other two (crowd members singing to songs I didn't know) but for me they were just good. Not great, like The Hectic, but they definitely have a good sound and great stage-presence. They even had their own custom built light-boxes that lit up when they stood on them. Now, I will say this: the guitarist's guitar was fucking gorgeous. A sweet deep-red Schecter that was just shiny all over. Quite possibly the most beautiful guitar I've ever seen in person. The bassist on the other hand had a fuck ugly Music Man. Fastu liked it, but I just can't stand Music Man guitars. What's with that fucking pick-guard? Seriously? Anyway, good set, good sound, let's move on.

Alright, the main event: Powerman 5000. Fortunately, no obnoxious Stoney McHemp interruptions this time. This was obviously going to be a "new album" show, so I expected to hear (and did hear) V is for Vampire and Supervillain, but they also played Timebomb and Show Me What You Got. I'm getting ahead of myself. When they took the stage, it was almost like watching a movie. Spider1 in all his glory came on-stage and the crowd erupted. They really stuck to their setlist, didn't take any requests (though I can understand that, the whole band except Spider has only been on for 1 to 2 years, they probably haven't rehearsed/played all that material together). Sucks though, 'cause I could die happy if I heard Public Menace, Freak, Human Fly live, and maybe the cKy show has made me a little spoiled because they took requests left and right (or gave the crowd an option between two songs). Anyway, they fucking rocked: it's Powerman 5000 for God's sake! Went off-stage maybe 6 or 7 songs in and returned donning the masks they've been shooting promotional photos in (except Spider1 of course). They played the obvious fan-favorites Bombshell, When World's Collide, Free and played a few songs that shocked me such as City of the Dead and Neckbone. I heard pretty much all of my favorites, which is good. I was pretty satisfied with the set as a whole. One of my favorite bands playing my favorite songs? Hell yeah.

Made sure to stick around longer this time. At the cKy show Bric and I met Jess Margera then peaced out, missing the chance to meet the rest of the guys. Fastu and I met the whole band (with the exception of one guitarist). Spider was a cool guy, he signed The Hat, and took a photo with me. Actually, Fastu and I took pics with all the guys out there. Side note: Evan 9 is hella short. He's a wicked guy though. They all were. All in all, hands-down the second best show I've ever been to, but really, nothing can compete with dancing on-stage with cKy. You want to upstage that? In order to do that, PM5K would've had to not only bring me on-stage, but also taken me out for a night on the town as well. Yeah, never gonna happen, though if another certain band I really love (Primus, Papa Roach, Drowning Pool, Slipknot, Mudvayne and a whole slew of others) reads my website... take notes (and take me out for a night on the town next time you're in Houston).